Monday, August 15


I wish I could forget about him for cheating before and during my pregnancy... Hurting us as if we are nothing. Ignoring us. I learned to forgive. I feel as if the other women were worth more than my name tatted on his chest and his first born son to carry his name. I feel like even if he just told me, I want you but I want to explore first rather than him telling the world all kind of stuff behind my back as if I'll never find out like I'm stupid and will sit here waiting on a used up body and soul. Him letting me walk in below freezing weather as a high risk pregnancy and never calling to check up on me or offering to help me without a threat from my mother or me asking over n over again. Over and over to make money for US. The 3 of us. Was that too much? And sad part is after it all, I still was willing to forgive and respond to his call for help even after he went back on his word and lied on me and my son's life... Him disrespecting me to every female he wants to have sex with to gain pitiful trust in them so he can use them for their body and mind to get over me and the "situation/pregnancy" or fit in with what... Them? For real? You like the rep Atlanta has and you want to follow than lead a purposeful life? And I have HIS baby. So who should be more ashamed? Him and them, or me? I love my son, and look at half of his creation and I don't even see anything but a resemblance. He is raised and loved by me. I learned to say," Fine. Do as you please, Please who you want to please in the now. You wont be answering to no one but God in the end. SO I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME LIKE I FORGIVE YOU. You don't have to check up on us, your paycheck will." All I can do is stay in school, make this money for us(me and my son, thank you), and move on. Maybe I was too forgiving, or too naive, or had too much faith. I just want to slap myself sometimes like why did you do all that you did just to be disrespected? You didn't even get half of what you gave back! Why talk so much mess about me but not to my face? Tell ME you regret ME, not everybody who will NEVER CONFRONT ME. But me, 5'7'' 125 lbs, let's go. We still on the same phone plan, sir. You can keep my name tatted on your body but you can't be real to me? I know most of your darkest secrets, trust me I do. Until I fully heal, I plan to stay single for a some time because I have a Scar on my Heart. And I'm shielding my son's...

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